Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Living death or Purposeful life?

Are you sleepwalking through life? Is your first thought in the morning your dream of going back to bed that night—to get through the day as quickly and painlessly as possible, in order to escape back into the realm of dreams that night, and forget your life as much as possible? This is a living death. Going through the motions. This is a life that is void of purpose.
from:What is Your Purpose?

Does this sound familiar? This was my life when depression was kicking my ass. I couldn't find any purpose as long as my symptoms were knocking me flat. I couldn't see any reason for the excruciating pain--often still can't when I am in the middle of it--and that led me to see suicide as the only way out. I didn't succeed. I remained among the living dead for a long, long time.

My depression has not released me. I am not yet free. But I believe one reason I am now often able to withstand the ferocious attacks is because I have discovered a purpose. This blog. In a way, I'm now able to use depression's own crippling strikes to strike it right back. Writing has always been an effective escape for me, but now I have you; reading, commenting, and hopefully finding comfort in the very pain that transforms my keyboard. You are not alone, and I am not alone. I have a purpose, and by offering connection, humor, or support to you, I receive support, too. How cool is that?!

Recognizing our true purpose—what really drives us—can allow us to make dramatic changes in our lives. Determining what one’s purpose is and vowing to pursue it to the fullest can lead to a true renaissance in our personal and professional endeavors.
from:What is Your Purpose?

3 comments:

deepblue said...

For some reason, although I've struggled for many years, I've never looked to the internet for support before now. It is amazing how just reading someone else's experience brings clarity and validation to your own. Even though we each experience it differently, we all go through some similar things and that is comforting.

Shiv said...

This is the most eloquently put answer to the regular question "why blog?" that I have seen so far!
I feel the same myself, the community here on the mental health blogosphere was not something I expected but I'm so glad it's here. We the Mentalists have banded together and formed our own mutual support network, and few things are more beautiful to me than that!
~Shiv

P.J. said...

I think we all need to have a purpose in life, and I believe we all DO have a purpose in life. When depressed it's hard to see that big picture and we can only concentrate on the hear and now. Like this blog. You may see it as a way for you to express and share your thoughts, when in the scheme of life, you are helping others and they will, in turn, help others. We each need to do our part, whatever we feel we can do at whatever time. Understanding in and of itself is a basic human need, so just to show what we've been through and that we really do understand, is helping others more than we realize.

Etta, you do have a purpose, and it's bigger than you think. Opening up and sharing your life with others, be it blogging or life, is meeting the need to be understood. Vulnerability is something that lacks in our society, so the more we can be ourselves and admit our struggles, the more we are fulfilling our purpose to love one another.



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