Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

going to the mountains

I am leaving for Colorado today. I've never been there before, believe it or not! I am fortunate to have friends who own two family cabins in Northern Colorado, and who like me enough to invite me to their annual family gathering! We are driving out, which will also be really nice. I love road trips, especially if I don't have to drive! I am packed and ready to go.

Of course, I must admit my ridiculous worries about going...that they'll hate me after spending an entire week with me. There is some precedence, I am sad to say, for this fear; but I have to remind myself I am all growed up now! I am a different person than I used to be, and my friends are also long in recovery, so should be a healthier trip all the way around. But those old fears still creep in...I hate that!

I hate when those old fears crop up despite all of the work I've done throughout the past several years. I have to diligently guard myself from those old, destructive thoughts. I picture the thoughts like annoying gnats buzzing around my head. When I hear them buzz, I squish them flat with my gnat-crushing fly-swatter. Feels good to give 'em a good wallop. If I'm really into it, I can even hear them pathetically screaming just before their final whack! Dead, sad, no-longer-destructive gnats!

I'm tucking that swatter in my pack, but hopefully the air, food, fishing and company will stifle those gnats before they're able to take flight.
Have a great week, everyone!

4 comments:

crackedheadblog said...

Just be yourself. That way, if they don't like you, at least you'll know they really don't like you and that you gave it your best shot.

Rocky Mountain High. How cool is that?

Merelyme said...

i am new to your blog...glad i found you. i hope you have a good time on your trip.

Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) said...

Have a fantastic trip!!! It sounds like you're going to have a great time, and like Greybeard said, just be yourself. :-) I'll miss you.

Mary said...

Have a wonderful trip, I'm sure everything will be fine, stop worrying and just enjoy yourself..have fun..Mary



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