Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

feeling bad

stepped into the black hole. i don't know why. i don't know when. this was not on the schedule. i was not prepared. heavy. hurts to stand. hurts to sit. breathing takes all the energy i've got. nothing poetic or dramatic to say. can't breathe. can't think. brain is not my own. thoughts of nonsense. focus--i have none. never will be able to explain the whole-body experience of crippling depression. never. i can feel the hole in the middle of my chest...there is nothing more painful
than
that

empty

hole.

3 comments:

Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) said...

OH sweetheart... I'm afraid I sent my bad experience from last weekend over to you. :-(

HUGS for you... I hope you feel better soon!!!

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope the darkness passes soon.

etta said...

thank you both for your support. it can't pass soon enough, but i'm trying to be patient, nonetheless.



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