Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Lower noise. Lower mood.

The noise is a bit less today. While the thoughts aren't totally gone, I do have less runaway thinking. Unfortunately, my mood seems to have lowered in concert with the noise.

My mood is lower despite yoga this morning and a speed workout this afternoon. That's a bad sign. Exercise is often protective for me. That is, a good workout helps my mood. Not today. This is another reminder I have an illness.

Depression. Depression is an illness not unlike other chronic illnesses. It has its own ups and downs. Sometimes I can influence the symptoms. Sometimes I can't. Apparently today I couldn't.

I'm frustrated the exercise didn't protect me today, but I'm grateful I was able to accomplish my goals. Hopefully sleep will cure what ails me, and tomorrow will be a new day.

4 comments:

Emma said...

Etta,
Congratulations on accomplishing your goals today. I agree it IS frustrating not to receive the shift or lift in mood after exercise, but you managed to persevere. Hey, I wanted to burst into tears in the middle of training this am. Would not have been such a good look! Hope tomorrow is a better day.
Em

Margo said...

Thank you for this website. I can really relate to exercise not protecting some days. So unfair! You are a very brave person. Hope you have a better day today :)

SK said...

Hi..long time lurker, first time commenter here!

I read your blog daily and always find it inspiring. My struggle is not unlike yours and I too turn to exercise and running in particular to help regulate my mood.

Keek up the good work!!

-SK

etta said...

Hi Margo and SK--thank you both for commenting.
Margo, I'm so glad you can relate. I throw this stuff out there without knowing if it makes sense to anyone. It's really nice to hear when others understand.

SK, thanks for coming out of the lurking closet. I'm grateful and humbled that you read everyday. Hope your running is going well.
etta



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