One hundred three thousand
Eight hundred forty
It was on this day four years ago, December 28, 2005, that I put down my last alcoholic drink. That's 1461 days, or 35,064 hours, or 2,103,840 minutes ago. I am so grateful.
I don't remember much about that day. It was not special in any other way. I do know that December 28, 2005 was the third day in a row I had attempted to quit. It was the first time in my life I hadn't been able to stop when I wanted to stop. That scared me.
Over the past 2,103,840 minutes, there have been good moments and bad moments, happy moments and sad moments, periods of serenity and moments filled with craziness. Life has been easy and difficult, fair and unfair. Moments filled with love were often surrounded by those filled with loneliness. At times depression has beaten me senseless, at other times I've found release. Over the past four years there have been 2,103,840 minutes of celebration and complication. The miracle is I've survived each moment without finding it necessary to take that first drink.
We have a saying in my home AA group. We can do what I cannot do. I could not stay sober alone. Believe me, I tried. I am so thankful for my friends in AA. Without their belief, love and support, I would be drunk or more likely dead. I'm sure the combination of depression and alcohol would have proved fatal by now. Instead, I've had the opportunity to live through 2,103,840 moments of life. It hasn't always been easy, but it's certainly been far better than it would have been with alcohol in control.
Now, let's see what moment number 2,103,841 has in store!
Depression Marathon Blog
- Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!
Monday, December 28, 2009