Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, March 18, 2011

humbled.

The last post was very difficult for me to write. I guess I felt an obligation to stay positive even though life was difficult. To feel so poorly, and to write about it so honestly, was quite frightening. After submitting my last post, I fretted about it all day. I seriously contemplated removing it.

That post still makes me nervous. Here's the thing, I don't want to feel so bad. I don't want anyone to know I feel so bad. And I don't want to discourage those who land on my site looking for encouragement. As difficult as it was to write, and as nerve wracking as it's been to have it posted, I've gone against my fears, and left the post in place for all to see.

I certainly don't know the impact of that post on most of you. It scared the hell out of me, but maybe it was no big deal to many of you. Maybe some poor soul came and left because they couldn't relate. Maybe some of my friends freaked out at the level of my dysfunction. I don't know how it read to most of you. But some of you were kind enough to comment, and your comments literally brought me to my knees.

I've been surprised by the number of you who've written to say my blog has made a difference in your life. I am so grateful you took the time to let me know, especially as I struggle through this low, dark place. And I am incredibly, gratefully, humbled by those comments. I can't believe it. To hear that I've made a difference, or inspired, or simply connected with someone outside this little screen is absolutely overwhelming to me. I can't thank you readers enough. You humble me with your honesty and graciousness. Thank you.

7 comments:

Maggie Beth said...

It is hard to be so exposed isn't it? I think it far better to write the difficult posts than to hold them ~ and you are doing the readers who do land on the site a favor -- you are being honest. Are you better? yes! Has the REALLY dark period passed? Yes! Will you have bad days? YES! That is what people going THROUGH depression need to know -- YES it will get better - then you simply have the "blues" or a "bad day" just like "NORMAL" people! The disservice would be to lead folks to believe that all is peaches and creme forever......You are a voice worthy of being heard Etta - even on the bad days. And I am very certain you have lent your voice to many who do not have the ability to articulate so well what they feel. Everyone likes to know they are not alone -- even you. You know this blog is not one sided (i.e., you give and we take) - WE give back too! But you can not be supported or ecouraged if you aren't honest -- you were and you made the right choice..
Bloggin' is free counseling go with it!! Maggie ~

lou23322 said...

I have to say that you being so frank,is great.Yes others do not understand what goes on with Depression.Every day is a new set of mental and physical problems because of Depression.Even family is clueless to this.i read your posts and i thank you for this.It keeps me fron comming down on myself.So thanks and have a great day..Lou

Kinza said...

I am hambled BY YOU, by your honesty, by your courage.

TSB said...

Sorry I'm late!

It didn't scare me at all. It made me say, "yeah, that's how I feel too".

Sometimes it's exactly like that. Keeping in mind that it WILL pass and feel better is the only thing I can do.

Not only have you described how I occasionally feel, but in this post you also touch on a subject that's been troubling me lately... how much to post. I've got a couple of posts in draft mode... forever to remain unsent. your honesty and courage in sharing that level of feeling is inspiring to many.

Your blog was one of the ones I stumbled across that ended up inspiring me to start journalling/blogging as a path to recovery. So yes... it HAS made a difference in my life.

two things to sum up: 1) it does get better although goodness knows it does not feel like it when you are in the throes....and 2) you aren't alone.

Kitty said...

Reading your blog ABSOLUTELY makes a difference in my life because, among other things, it makes me feel that I am not completely alone. Your honesty and willingness to struggle with difficulty instead of pretending it's not happening are a true blessing.

scepticrat said...

Etta,

I'm so glad you're feeling the validation, and not only the fear, that comes with being honest. I think it is very important that those who've know depression are honest and open about how grim it is. You should know that your courage, alongside your clarity, is what inspired me to take my writing and create from it a blog of my own.

Take heart, do no harm, and keep keeping it real. You're always welcome to stop by The Fire Sighed Up.
http://scepticrat.blogspot.com

Daric Desautel

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog and I am glad I did.



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