Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Better

Wow. Thanks for all the great comments on my last post. Today's post should be much more upbeat. I've been focusing on living in the moment and looking toward the future rather than lamenting the past.

I'm continuing to train for Boston. In fact, yesterday I went back to the early morning weight-training class I used to regularly attend. I hadn't attended it since my knee surgery in October. It starts at 5:00 AM, so it takes a commitment to get there. I was happy to be there yesterday, although my knee was a little sore afterward. I like that class because we work our muscles while also working cardiovascularly. It's a nice compliment to running.

Speaking of running, I had a decent long run of 12 miles on Saturday. It's still much harder than I'd like it to be, but I'm trying to be patient. It just sucks to start over! Today was actually a better day. I had a great speed workout. I ran 10 by 400 meters (1/4 mile) fast. Each fast interval took me around 1 minute 40 seconds, and I rested about 2 1/2 minutes between each interval. It was tough, but I felt like my old self for just a little while. That was nice. Hopefully, that means my long run this weekend, 14 miles, will also feel easier.

I saw my psychologist today. We agreed this most recent depression relapse was the worst of my depression "career." We were discussing such things because I told her how I've been feeling cautious lately. Maybe mistrusting is a better way to describe what I've been feeling. While I'm trying to stay in this moment, I find it difficult to trust that this latest episode is truly over. I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. That's not a good feeling, but so far there are no shoes littering my floor. I'm grateful for every "normal" moment. I'll try to quit looking over my shoulder.

That's all I've got for today. Things continue to go better. I'm working my regular schedule. I'm getting out a little more. I'm taking care of more daily tasks. And I'm exercising in the ways of which I was previously accustomed. I pray I continue walking this gentle path.

1 comment:

Med said...

Well done YOU. That's a lot of hard work you are putting in. Brilliant.



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