Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Monday, January 28, 2013

underwhelmed

I'm still sick. In fact, my cold got worse over the weekend. My chest is so congested, I'm gurgling! I've had pneumonia before, and this doesn't feel like a repeat episode, but it's no fun, nonetheless. I'm feeling better today. Work went well until I talked a lot or laughed. Either of those things set off a coughing fit. But at least I'm not so achy today.

The combination of illness and full-time puppy training have left me totally unmotivated to do much else. With the exception of two days, I have not run since returning from Mexico. And since I didn't run in Mexico, it's been a long, long time since I've done any training! I'm feeling a little guilty, a little disgusted, and at the same time, a little apathetic. I've got to get back on the horse soon, or I know my mood is going to suffer.

My home is already suffering. I'd like it to be cleaned, but I've not been able to bring myself to do it. Well, I did pick up a tiny bit yesterday, and I took the vacuum out of the closet, but that's as far as I got. I do feel better in a clean house, so I know I need to get to it soon. Hmm... that sounds familiar.

Eating is another thing I can't bring myself to care about. Oh, I'm eating, but it's not all that great. I have no desire to cook anything! Even the microwave has been impossible lately. Instead, I've eaten a lot of toast and cereal. I went to a local Mexican place last night and again tonight for identical take out orders. That's how uninspired I am. I couldn't even bring myself to order something different.

Despite this abundance of lethargy, my mood seems to be okay. It's not good. It's not terrible. It's just okay. But I'm worried the lethargy and lack of inspiration may indicate the beginning of something more sinister. That's why I need to get back at it. I need to do more than go to work and train a puppy, even though doing more seems beyond me at this point in time. Oh well, at least I know what I need to do.

2 comments:

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I feel for you, because I know lethargy can be difficult to get over. Perhaps some of it is because you have been sick. And you're still doing a lot, with work and training a puppy. It's not as much as you've been used to doing, but maybe once you're over this cold, the lethargy will be easier to rise above. Hope so!

Jen Daisybee said...

I hope you feel better and more motivated soon!



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