I'm still in the hospital, where I've been since last week for this latest episode of depression. Tomorrow I have my twelfth ECT treatment and then plan to head home. My friend, Wendy, who assisted getting me to the hospital and who is currently watching my dog doesn't want me to go home yet. She is worried I continue to have the same dark thoughts which originally landed me in here. She doesn't think those thoughts have resolved enough yet, and she is worried I am going to go home and continue to struggle with my thinking. Neither of us want that. But I can't stand to be here for one more minute either! I really feel anxious to return to my life and my work. The New York City Marathon is next week. I am signed up and have a flight lined up, but I've decided I'm not going to go. This will be the second year in a row that I will miss the marathon, but I just haven't put in the training time to run it like I would like to run it. It's hard thinking about missing it again, but it doesn't make any sense to attempt it when I'm not prepared as needed. Maybe next year I'll finally get to run it. If I can just spend the next couple weeks getting back out onto the road, these next few weeks will be valuable. This depression dip has really stolen my running motivation from me. I'd like to get it back. That's about all I have to say at this moment. I'm anxiously awaiting tomorrow's treatment and my return home. I'm looking forward to being reunited with my dog, Jet, and returning to my daily routine. I'm anxious to get back into my own house and my own bed. At some point, this depression episode has got to abate. That will certainly be cause for celebration, and you'll hear it here first!
Depression Marathon Blog
- Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!