Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Still slow

I'm still frustrated and angry about the current state of affairs. My mood is not good. I'm still having trouble moving my body. I'm still heavy and slow. I'm sleeping more hours than I'm awake, no matter how hard I try to stay awake. I'm exhausted. And I'm feeling worthless, isolated and alone.

My thoughts are about the only things that are moving quickly right now, and they're providing no relief. I'm being bombarded by negative thinking. I'm being heckled by my worthless brain. I'm being trashed by thoughts about my character, my illness, what I should be doing, etc... It's no fun.

On top of all that joy, I developed some sort of virus today. Sore throat, headache, body aches; the whole ball of wax. I had to stay home from work. Even though it has been difficult getting through the days at work, it has at least been a healthy distraction. Today was a really long day of feeling like crap mentally and physically.

I'm hoping this virus is short-lived, as I'm supposed to spend the weekend with D at the lake. I'll figure out tomorrow whether that's going to happen or not. I'm also scheduled to run a 20-miler this Saturday. I was able to run a bit yesterday, but today was impossible for all of the above, obvious reasons. I hope things improve for Saturday. It sure would be nice to feel like a runner again. Come to think of it, it sure would be nice to feel human again.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Sorry to hear how your feeling, definitely doesn't sound so fun. Being someone who as dealt with similar feelings I definitely feel for ya.

Just curious, so does the running/cardio make you feel better? Sorry I'm new to the blog and just haven't had time to look through archives on this.

I with my situation I have found that exercises, especially cardio, has made me feel worse, especially the days following. I know this is backwards from what I should feel and what exercise should do for someone with stress and anxiety but it's been like this for years for me. I hate it cause I loves cardio too!

Hope you feel better soon.

Mike
www.calmthenerves.com

Irene said...

Just so sorry, Etta.



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