Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

darkness

I am a woman of few words today. Just checking in... darkness has descended. My thoughts are bleak and feelings dark. I have slipped into the black hole that is depression. The world swirls around me. I cannot connect. I cannot step in. I cannot stop the free fall. Kicking and screaming have long since left me. I have not the energy for that. Instead, I fall without fight. It's dark. Very, very dark.

7 comments:

Georgia said...

Etta,
I've just finished reading through your whole blog, which I've found powerful and moving. As someone who's struggled with depression for more than half my life, your difficulties certainly resonate with me.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this incredibly difficult time, and I hope it eases soon. Please be in touch with those who can help you heal.

Irene said...

Let go and let life.

Whatever you need I wish for you

Tina Fariss Barbour said...

I am thinking of you, Etta.

Anonymous said...

So sorry. Hope you are staying in touch and following up with your doctor. Being sick and having to change medication/dose make for a double whammy. So frustrating how quickly it feels likes the rug gets pulled out underneath us when you add a virus into the mix with depression. Will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

A said...

Hi Etta,
I'm so sorry you're feeling so sick right now. It's the worst when you're physically sick on top of mentally wrung out.
I am really struggling too these days. I'm in the middle of medication changes right now and I don't know if that is mainly my problem, or what. But the past few days it has been extremely difficult to peel myself out of bed or do anything without bursting into tears at random times. I have been dragging myself to my classes and it is extremely difficult to concentrate on everything that I need to. It is hell! Anyway, I just wish there was some way that the doctors and scientists could permanently fix our brains! I wish again that I was nearer to you so we could check on each other, I feel like your blog is all I have sometimes to hang on to. Anyway, I'm thinking of you and hoping that you feel better. I want to feel better too.

thinkingaboutleaving said...

Thinking of you. x

jim said...

Hi Etta
Jim from Houston. You are not alone, not not not. I know you have a world of support and a strong network. But if you need to talk just ask and I will shoot you my cell#.
Smile

Jim



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