Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Beginnings

I just came in from a run/walk. Yes. I ran yesterday and today. It was my first time out since my hip surgery October 21st. Specifically, I ran for 3 minutes and walked for 1 minute for a total of  2.3 miles yesterday and 3.2 miles today. Both days were crisp and gray, and the cold air felt good on my face and in my lungs. My gray mood had kept me inside for the previous 13 days. It was a relief to get out the door, and even more of a relief to put one foot in front of the other down the street.

My depression symptoms are still hanging around. Some moments feel better than others. I think I'm beginning to feel a little better. But my thinking is still dark and even, at times, a little paranoid. It's depression. My brain only lets such thoughts seep out when the darkness has set in. Like I said, some moments are lighter lately. I'm still making it to work. Adding exercise to work means I actually got two things accomplished yesterday! It's a beginning.

In other news, and possibly related to my depression symptoms, I was just diagnosed with mild sleep apnea. Basically, I stop breathing multiple times each night. My sleep is disrupted every time I stop breathing, which may explain some of my fatigue. Fortunately, it's treatable.

Fatigue has always been a part of my depression. The worse my symptoms get, the more tired I get. My psychiatrist is very hopeful that beginning C-PAP therapy (wearing a breathing mask at night), which I began a couple of days ago, will put an end to my fatigue. That would be incredible. I can't imagine my life without fatigue.

I appreciate all of your supportive comments lately. You guys really hold me up when I'm feeling down. I write this blog in hopes of helping others, but at times like this, it turns out I'm the one being helped. I'm so grateful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you Etta! I found your blog a couple of weeks ago. I have severe anxiety and major depression and am currently holding a part time job. So, I can totally relate to the energy draining days that work days bring. My latest ground breaking achievement is actually eating breakfast before I go to work...sounds silly, but it's a huge step.

You adding exercise to a work day is FANTASTIC!Also, keeping up with work is an achievement in itself, so good show! I hope that you continue to see good productive days in the future, and that your mood lifts! Thanks for being an inspiration, I'm gonna go to work today smiling!

Nemya said...

I glad you're doing better :)

Jim Work said...

WAZ 2GO!!!!!!!!j

Wendy said...

I was thinking about you earlier today and wondering how you were. That's huge by getting out and running!!! Awesome!!! Keep fighting! You're my inspiration!

paullamb said...

When I slept with a CPAP (for 10 years) it was the best sleep of my life. Deep, uninterrupted sleep and lungs full of air! (I've since lost a lot of weight and don't need the CPAP anymore.) It took me about 2 weeks to get used to sleeping with the mask on, and my nose dried out a lot (vaseline helped me), but it was worth it.

I truly hope you're turning a corner with your depression. I met my new grandson yesterday, and I've actually felt something like happy for half a day. Odd feeling.

Anonymous said...

I am glad that things are brightening up for you. Hold on to the light as much as you can. Wishing you much success.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us..it certainly has been helpful to find that I am not alone in this struggle. This has been a great source of comfort.
Take good care.

paullamb said...

Also, if I ran for three minutes and walked for one minute, I would have clocked about .23 miles.



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