Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Readjusting

I'm having trouble getting readjusted to my life after my short vacation up north last weekend. It may not have been a long vacation, but apparently it had a major impact. It didn't help that my supervisor cancelled me on Monday so I had an extra day off with which to do nothing. And that's pretty much what I did. I continued my weekend of relaxation and did little of anything productive on Monday. Oh, I ran to the grocery store and rode my stationary bike for 90 minutes but not much else got done. It was a continuation of the laziness which I enjoyed over the weekend.

Unfortunately I am no longer enjoying the laziness, which also extended into yesterday. Besides an appointment in the morning, I didn't leave the house yesterday, and I didn't much care. I think my mood is low, but not so low as to be scary yet, just low enough to lack the motivation to accomplish anything. Dysthymia. I believe that's the official term. I don't like it.

Thankfully, I worked today so I had to get dressed and out of the house. It was difficult getting going. It was tough getting out of the house. Even after I arrived at my work site, I had to sit in the parking lot for awhile to build up the gumption to go inside. Once I was inside and treating my patients, I was fine. But the blahs returned as soon as I got home this afternoon.

I want to go back on vacation. I miss the lakes, my friends, and my family. It's a little strange. I've not felt this way previously, and I've been up north multiple times. I don't know what's different this time. Maybe it's my injury preventing me from running. I've got a lot more time on my hands. Maybe it's delayed grieving after my break-up with my boyfriend. It's been over a month since we split, so that seems far fetched, but who knows? Maybe it's just plain old depression. Anything is possible, I guess.

Whatever is going on, I hope I get past it soon. I'm not enjoying this longing to be elsewhere. I hate the low energy and lack of motivation, And missing my friends sucks. I feel lonely. It's hard to enjoy anything. I'm finding it tough to get anything done. Heck, I'm finding it tough to get off the couch! I know this too shall pass. I just wish it would pass soon.

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