Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

again...

I am so fucking tired of writing about how fucking tired I am! I am so fucking tired of being so fucking tired. Tired.
What is tired, anyway? Such a boring, non-descript, little word. It seems much too tame and unidimensional to describe the mental and physical morass in which I am presently engulfed.
tired
adjective
1. exhausted, as by exertion; fatigued or sleepy: a tired runner.
2. weary or bored (usually fol. by of): tired of the same food every day.
3. hackneyed; stale, as a joke, phrase, or sermon.

Too easy.
Too nice.
Let's try the synonyms:
1. enervated. Tired, exhausted, fatigued, wearied, weary suggest a condition in which a large part of one's energy and vitality has been consumed. One who is tired has used up a considerable part of his or her bodily or mental resources: to feel tired at the end of the day. One who is exhausted is completely drained of energy and vitality, usually because of arduous or long-sustained effort: exhausted after a hard run. One who is fatigued has consumed energy to a point where rest and sleep are demanded: feeling rather pleasantly fatigued. One who is wearied has been under protracted exertion or strain that has gradually worn out his or her strength: wearied by a long vigil. Weary suggests a more permanent condition than wearied: weary of struggling against misfortunes.

There it is. Apparently, I am weary--a more permanent condition...

Tired, exhausted, fatigued, wearied, weary...clusters of letters creating a group of words which each mean essentially the same thing, yet NOT ONE accurately details the paralyzing pain depression reigns.

I'm so fucking tired. I'm so fucking tired of being fucking tired.
Someone needs to come up with a better word. Until then, I guess I'll just keep using fuck to emphasize my distaste with my present state.

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