Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

I'd be RICH!

If ideas were worth dollars, I'd be a millionaire! My brain is full of them! They are literally flying around up there! (What about doing this? Could a person make this do that and that do this? Why isn't anyone doing that?) Learning about blogging, developing and marketing an online business, writing...there are so many possibilities... I am constantly thinking about how to improve, change, or create beneficial products and situations. I don't know why or when this started, but it is getting a bit ridiculous! You see, I am really good at brainstorming ideas and some plans, but my skill-set is limited, whereas my ideas are not.
I am full of creative ideas bashing around my head as if participants in a roller derby, but I don't know how to stop the metaphorical action and turn it into physical action. Which idea do I pluck from the pile-up? Where do I take it from there? If I don't have the skills, do I throw the idea out, or do I offer it to somebody else? Who? Where do I find that person? Maybe I can learn the skills. Maybe that's too overwhelming, and scary, and feels like it would take too long. What's too long? And on, and on, and on...

Perhaps because of this illness, I have lost the ability to piece together multiple thoughts, concepts, or ideas into one coherent whole. It is incredibly frustrating, because it is a skill I implemented with little conscious thought previously. Without that coherent plan, leaping into action has been a gigantic hurdle. Inertia and fear grab tight when I only have a fragmented, shifty plan. Instead of action, I end up with an overcrowded roller derby of ideas, each fighting for position while bombing around my brain. And I don't know what to do with that. What do I do with that?

If only ideas were worth dollars...

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