Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

prosperity in the road

Sometimes I just have to smile.
I have had one of the longest weekends of my life! While I made it out to one meeting and lunch yesterday, I spent the rest of the weekend in bed. Every time I got out of bed thinking I was done with that sleeping thing, I got sucked right back in. Neither my mood nor my body could lift long enough to do much more than change the radio station. Today was even worse. I wanted to get some exercise. I got up. I laid back down and fell asleep. I got up. I laid back down and fell asleep. I got up...you get the idea. It was almost 5:00 PM when I couldn't stand it anymore. I just had to get out of bed! I had to exercise! Finally, I threw off the covers and asked Puck if he wanted to go for a run. That clinched it. I hadn't even gathered the energy to stand yet, but once Puck gets the question, there is no turning back. With his overbearing expectation encouraging my every move, we made it out the door within 20 minutes.
As you can imagine, 2 days in bed while consuming nothing but pizza and ice cream do not lend themselves to a productive, feel-good run! As my favorite teenager so eloquently puts it, "DAH!!!" So, the run was actually a run/walk at a frustratingly leisurely pace. But, hey, I was pretty impressed with myself--I was vertical! And, it turns out, when you take walk breaks in the spring in Minnesota, you find MONEY! I found two quarters early in my first walk break. Nice. I thought, is this God's way of saying, "Way to go?"
Three miles later I approached my block and began walking much earlier than I would have normally. As I crossed the intersection near my house there was another quarter right off the curb! Thanks! One more step--I found a dime and a penny. I started thinking, "I gotta have a slow, crappy run more often!" As I reached the middle of the intersection it suddenly appeared that someone had lost their entire piggy bank! There were hundreds of coins scattered everywhere! They were nearly all pennies and in typical Minnesota fashion they were nearly ground into the asphalt from repeated snowplow assaults.
I briefly contemplated leaving the coins there, as they were only pennies. But they were everywhere, and I wouldn't want some little kid wandering out there to get them, I rationalized. So, after about 10 minutes of using one free hand (Puck was in the other) to pluck the coins, and quick reflexes to dodge the traffic, I walked away with a mitten full of money. My total payoff for getting out of bed and forcing a semi-crappy run was 199 pennies, 3 quarters, 3 dimes, and 1 nickel--$3.09. Not bad. Funny how things work out.
Sometimes I just have to smile.

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