Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

working with others...

it was 10:15, and she's wasn't here. not like her. usually here right on time. didn't think too much of it, though. life happens. 10:30...hmmm, must have forgotten. unlike her. we just spoke about this appointment yesterday. the phone rang. it was 10:37 am. tears. choked voice. where are you? i fucked up. okay, but where are you? i really fucked up. tears. choked voice. crap. here it comes. what happened? i drank. there it is. okay. where are you now? i'm at home. do you know you are supposed to be here? yes. i'm sorry. i fucked up. you drank? yes, last night. are you okay? yes. what are you going to do now? i don't know. well, that's a problem. go to a meeting, i guess? okay. is that what you want to do? yes. okay. what are you going to do after that? i don't know. do you have a friend you can call? i don't know! i don't want anyone to know! too late for that, don't you think? yes. and it wasn't even fun, you know? i threw away 19 months for that? yup, been there, done that. aa really screws up the enjoyment of drinking, doesn't it? yes! do i have to tell my parents, too? crying. well, that's up to you, but aa really screws up lying, too. these are the consequences of the choice you made. i know. you'll get through it, but we don't need to worry about that right now. let's just focus on what you are going to do for the rest of today, okay? okay. and don't drink. okay. okay.

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