Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The buying of the food.

There aren't too many things in this world which I truly hate. After all, if I dislike something, I generally avoid it or remove it from my life. But to every rule, there seems to be an exception. In this case, it is an unavoidable, despicable exception. It is grocery shopping. I hate grocery shopping! I hate it!

I hate everything about grocery shopping, from the time it wastes to the money I'm forced to spend to the artificial environment which sucks me in. I hate grocery shopping. I hate the bright white fluorescent lighting. I hate the miles of aisles with their millions of intermingled colors, shapes, and sizes! After a couple of minutes everything looks the same! Every aisle seems eerily similar to the one before. Have I been down this aisle already or not? Did I come from the left or the right? Where's the front of the store? Where am I??? I hate driving that damn rickety cart around the corners while looking up to survey the aisle's overhead sign. No matter how many times I've been there, I still look like a tourist on the subway in New York! I hate grocery shopping!

And simply reading the sign doesn't solve the puzzle. I still need to figure out the classification system used by each particular store! I hate trying to decipher that! Are there rules? Perhaps a referee would be helpful. Are raisins snacks, fruits, or baking supplies? I think they are snacks at The Cub and baking supplies at Hyvee, or is it the other way around? And what about Target? Where do they stock the raisins? One store puts popcorn (the old-fashioned kernels) in the fresh fruit area, another in back with the chips, and another doesn't carry it at all! Sometimes, I specifically need popcorn! UGH! Like Charlie Brown with the football, invariably I end up at the store without popcorn in stock! Walmart, I think...or is it Target? Maybe it's Walmart which doesn't have the raisins I like...Oh, and don't get me started on brand names! God forbid I find a particular brand I like! Once, I spent about 6 months trying to determine where it was I bought those razors I liked so much! To this day, I still do not know. I hate grocery shopping!

Money is the other issue. I hate grocery shopping because it costs so much money! Even if my intention is moderation, those food-stuffed, overly bright, artificial warehouses mesmerize and hypnotize me once I step through their doors. I'll go in for milk and bread, and I'll vow to only spend a few dollars and 10 minutes--that's it, 10 minutes maximum, inside the store. But it's no use. Ninety minutes later I'll walk out a glassy-eyed pauper, two shopping carts in tow, wondering what day it is. If you'll dare to approach my disheveled frame, you'll likely hear me mumbling, "...only 10 minutes...10 minutes...only 10 minutes in the store..." as I wander aimlessly searching for my car. I hate grocery shopping.

I hate grocery shopping because grocery stores are conspirators! Grocery shopping is a conspiracy! It's not enough that we have to eat. We have no choice but to spend our hard-earned money on their food, but that's not enough. Somehow, these stores get us to spend our money on so much more--more food, more trinkets, more books, more magazines, more coffee, more, more, more...until we leave penniless and powerless.
But like good, active alcoholics, we'll be back. We can't stay away. We'll be back for more...
I hate grocery shopping!


Nancie said...

Wow, looks like grocery shopping is really a great challenge to you!

Personally, I enjoyed grocery shopping. They actually helped me to unwind after a stressful day at work and kind of helped me to relax. I enjoyed looking at the various things in the supermarket. I am rather strict with myself and only buy what is necessary.

Hope you have a great week!


deepblue said...

I'm with you, etta. Hate shopping. I tried online grocery shopping for awhile and it was nice to only look for the items I needed and not have to see another soul. The grocery store was also where I started having panic attacks and I'd start throwing random things in the cart just so I could hurry and get out of there. And shopping with young kids is another thing altogether. But I won't get started on that. :)

la said...

Heh, I like shopping for groceries when it's quiet. I can just zone out and wander around lost in my thoughts.

If you lived closer, I would shop for you. That would be awesome :)

etta said...

Holy Crap, la!
That would be AWESOME!
That's my goal--when I am rich, I will no longer buy groceries for myself! Perhaps I'll fly you in...

Wendy said...

I do not mind grocery shopping. Sometimes I push around a cart just for exercise. Sometimes I only have 3 things in my cart. Now that I have no income coming in, I probably will start to hate it soon enough... I will come to MN to meal shop for you! lol I am your northern neighbour in Winnipeg.