Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Roughin' it...

It's been a rough few days around here. Puck is pretty uncomfortable. Puck's mom is pretty uncomfortable. Unlike Puck, I can't deal with it by lying flat on the floor and whimpering. Well, actually, I could. I did. It didn't help. Puck's probably thinking the same thing right now. After hours of lying there whimpering, Puck still can't walk when he arises. When I arise, I still feel sad and overwhelmed, and amazingly none of the overwhelming offenders were tamed while I lied there whimpering.
I dislike being overwhelmed. I dislike my house being in total disarray. I dislike my lawn being the tallest and ugliest on the block. I dislike facing a project knowing I do not have the energy to even begin it. I dislike seeing my boy in pain. I dislike worrying. I dislike missing scheduled running days because there is too much exhausting chaos whipping about my life. I dislike whining...
And I am whining...
I know.

I also know I am lucky to have a home. I am lucky to have enough "stuff" in my life to even allow for chaos. I am lucky to have a nurturing relationship with a pet. I am lucky to have a strong heart, working muscles, and a willingness and desire to run. I am lucky to have the opportunity to continue competing in a sport which I love. I am lucky to have supportive friends, family and professionals surrounding me. For all of these things, I am incredibly grateful. I am sad and overwhelmed, and I very much dislike my current state of affairs. But I need to keep reminding myself that things could be a lot worse. This is nothing! And I am grateful for that.

My therapist encouraged me to focus on my accomplishments this week, rather than beat myself up for all I am not getting done. It's a great idea. Following through with the idea...that's the piece I forget.
I'll try harder to remember it.

1 comment:

crackedheadblog said...

I'm so sorry you're boy is not well. My "man" dog is sleeping right here and if he, or my Big Baby (basset) or my Bully (pit bull-lab mix) were sick I'd be in a straight jacket.

I feel like I haven't been around for you, probably because I haven't. I've been way over on the other side of things, going around in circles, doing all/everything, but accomplishing next to nothing. Or maybe not.

At any rate, I'm going to email you as soon as I get my machine reloaded with dog pics. One look at big Sally is almost guaranteed to lift your spirits.

Hang in there. Give your buddy a scratch on the ears for me.