Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Home again--drama again.

I am finally back from my western journey. It was beautiful, refreshing, fun and EXHAUSTING! I think I need a vacation! There were many, many people twittering about the property which led to more activity than I had planned upon. I was on vacation, and there were several days when I didn't have time to NAP! There's something terribly wrong with that! Returned home via a 16 hour road trip through bad weather and pitch black roads--a bit stressful. We arrived in the wee hours of Tuesday morning, i.e. the middle of the night. I have yet to unpack. Recovery may take a few more days...
Unfortunately, I returned to a huge drama at the home of the teenager I mentor. HUGE DRAMA! The environment in which he lives is so toxic it would almost be appropriate to don a hazardous materials suit before entering their home. He is not an innocent victim in this one. He contributed to the toxicity, but the alcoholic family dynamics and mother's BP illness keep the toxic fumes vehemently swirling long after they otherwise would have settled.
Within five minutes of entering the house today, naked without my haz-mat suit, I was sucked into the fray. Realizing the hopeless course I was on, I extricated myself as cleanly as possible, but the toxicity and stress remained. I had the skill to verbally disengage and the option to leave. The teen I work with doesn't have those luxuries. I care about this kid, and I am afraid this environment will eventually knock him flat, or worse... And the stress isn't good for me, either.

Despite the drama to which I returned, it is nice to sleep in my own bed again. It's nice to have a flush toilet, running water, and the company of Puck, again. The routine of living may take a while to get re-established, and I do miss gazing at snowy-peaks while sipping my morning coffee. But I'll manage.
This trip caused me to deeply ponder many things. I have a feeling you'll be a party to my ponderings if you stick around over the next couple weeks. Until then...


Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) said...

Yippee!! Etta's back home!!! I'm glad you had a wonderful time on your vacation.

Your metaphor about the toxic environment and needing a HazMat suit is just perfect!

I'm thankful that you're back safe, and I'm sure Puck is, too! :-)

etta said...

You are way too kind, Michelle! Thanks. It is nice to be home. It was nice to be gone, too. Thanks as usual for your support!

Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) said...

Just send me some chocolate. ;-)