Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

D.N.F.

Three letters never before associated with my name--D.N.F.
I walked off the course today at mile 11.5. I was on pace to qualify, but my body was expending so much energy attempting to stay warm, I knew I was not going to be on my feet much longer if I continued. The weather called for "showers" that were supposed to start later in the morning or early afternoon. Unfortunately, the rain and wind began within 10 minutes of the start. The temperature dropped, and then it began to POUR! A steady downpour continued from approximately 4-11 miles. Around mile 10.75, we turned a corner and things went from barely tolerable to worse. A stiff, cold wind whipped us from the left. By the time I walked off the course 3/4 of a mile later, the temp was only in the mid 40's, which meant the windchill factor must have been around freezing! I decided to live for another day rather than risk my health, my body and my mind by struggling through another 15 miles.
I have never NOT finished a race before. I'm going to take a few days off, and then look for another marathon to enter within the next two months. It was brutal being bussed to the finish line, at which I arrived just as I would have been finishing. Watching hundreds of runners finishing under four hours, I thought, "Why them and not me?" But I think I made a good decision, even though it isn't sitting very well right now. Tough day.

P.S. Insult to injury--as I sit here typing this, one hour after I should have finished, the sun just came out and the temperature is on the rise. Gotta love the marathon!

4 comments:

Wayne said...

Not that dropping out is a good thing, but I think you made the decision at a good time in the race. You can easily recover and get back into another marathon very shortly. Good luck.

etta said...

No Wayne, dropping out did not feel good, but I think it was a good thing to do today. I'm thinking Jacksonville, Florida in December sounds like a nice place to race...
Thanks for your comment, and good luck in your upcoming marathon!
etta

Running Hoosier said...

Etta,

What matters is that you are able to go another day for another race.

Yes, the mental torment might be there now, but the possible physical torment is not.

If you would have continued and something did happen, then you would have both the mental and physical torment.

Robert

Anonymous said...

From one TCM DNF to another...I found your blog today as I was sitting at home, originally I took the day off to recover from the marathon and I here I sit recovering from a 14 mile run and feeling bad that I did not finish the race. I too had major muscle cramps and could not warm up and decided that it was not worth risking my health (although I am a much slower runner than you). I just wanted to say you are not alone in how your race went yesterday and we both know that in better conditions we can do 26.2!



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