Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

My friend Kathy

An unwelcome anniversary is approaching. In a few days, it will be two years since my 46-year-old friend, Kathy, tragically died after falling down her basement stairs.

Kathy was an RN at Generose, 2 East, Mayo Clinic's adult psychiatric inpatient unit. That's where we met. She was my primary nurse during my first admission to her unit. As my primary nurse, she spent a lot of time with me, and we quickly developed a bond. Through multiple admissions over 5-6 years, Kathy and I continued to cross paths. We developed a special bond. Nothing inappropriate, all professional boundaries were maintained, but she became a friend, a confidant, a mentor...a mother figure. I trusted, respected and admired her. She was a hell of a nurse, and I'm sure she was a a very special wife, daughter, sister and friend.

Kathy was not supposed to die. She was supposed to be around to see me get well. She would be elated with my sobriety. She would be proud of the person I've become. I never envisioned a future without Kathy in it. When she died, we hadn't spoken for several months, but that made her no less a part of my life. I knew she was there. I knew she would celebrate with me in victory and always support me in defeat. I just had to pick up the phone. She was there, and then she was gone. Senseless, tragic, shocking--gone. Why God? Why?

There is a huge void in my life where Kathy once stood. Knowing she was there comforted and supported me. I didn't need to see her or speak to her to know and feel that. Now I wish I had seen and spoken with her more. To say I think of her often doesn't even come close. I still look to her for guidance almost daily. But she's no longer here, and that makes me very, very sad. I never told her how special she was. I took her availability for granted. She wasn't supposed to die. There is a huge void in my life where Kathy once stood. I am grateful to have known her, but I miss her. I miss her so, so much. She wasn't supposed to die.


Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) said...

HUGS... I hope you know that she is still with you.

Janine Kain said...

{{{ huggles }}}