Depression Marathon Blog

My photo
Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

random thoughts on a gray day

I'm having a slug day. It's cold, grayer than gray outside, and sleeting, snowing, or raining most of the time. I made it to my AA meeting this morning and went out to breakfast, as we often do, with 10-12 women after the meeting. Came home stuffed with some fine blueberry pancakes intending to go workout. Intentions don't count for much. I've been sitting in my chair snacking and watching football, crime shows, and football ever since. (Had to turn the Minnesota game off. They were getting whipped!) I could be at the gym, exercising, while watching football, crime shows, and football. I could be walking Puck. He got his staples out yesterday and needs to be walked twice per day. I could be writing for my blogs (Oh, I guess I am doing that at least.). I could be raking piles of leaves in my yard. They are wet, but I almost prefer them wet. They don't fly away, and they're easier to bag. (Bummer, Alabama just fumbled the ball at the goal line. It went out of bounds. LSU gets the ball at the 20.) I could be sending out more resumes and following up with potential employers. I heard some bad feedback from a former employee of one potential employer, one that I've interviewed with. Another PT I know just quit working for the same office. Doesn't make me feel too warm and fuzzy about them as employers. (Bummer, LSU just threw an interception deep in their own end.) I could be looking into personal trainer classes. I took a continuing education class 2 days ago which made me question why the hell I haven't pursued becoming a personal trainer yet. (Touchdown, Alabama.) I've always wanted to be a personal trainer. It is a perfect fit for me! But, like many things I've always wanted to do, I've been too chicken to pursue it! God forbid I actually do something I'm good at and passionate about! It seems like the more I want to do something, the more afraid I am to do it. How stupid is that?? It's that fear of failure again. I have less fear about things I'm less passionate about, so I do those things instead. Dumb. I've always thought I'd be a good coach, too, especially a running coach, but...NO! Too scary. Pathetic. (Beautiful pass, beautiful catch--LSU scores.) Thankfully, the functional exercise class I took from a very intelligent, energetic personal trainer may have pushed me forward. You guys can keep me honest on this one, okay? (Oooooh, Alabama fumbled the kick-off. LSU recovered on Alabama's 30) I need to look online to check into available personal training classes to become licensed. I need to make a call to see about funding. (Thirty yard TD run. LSU leads.) It's time to "just do it." Speaking of just doing it--I'll go workout at halftime. I promise.

1 comment:

Running Through Time said...

I know you can do it and you'll be successful at it because it is something you enjoy.