Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The reasons to keep writing today

Reflecting again on one year of writing...

It is your search terms--those words and questions you put into Google--leading you to my blog which keep me going. Sometimes they are comical phrases, like "My friends suck," which peak my curiousity. Other times they are questions of fact, "Why isn't my resting heart rate decreasing," which lead you here. If you are like me, it's due to unpleasant medication side effects. Is that it for you, too? Typically, however, your search terms make me wince. The words you choose reveal the depth of your pain and the desperation to remedy it. I get it. Obviousely, I get it, or you wouldn't have landed here.

Your revealing searches motivate me when I'm feeling bad or questioning whether to continue. "Intrusive thoughts" and "losing friends" remain two of the most common phrases guiding you here. When I wrote those posts, I had no idea. Without knowing it, you support me just by searching for answers to those two dilemmas. I am not unique. Thank God...unique is very isolating.

Revealing the depth of your pain, in the past two weeks you've searched for "gay abuse suicide," "I can't function depression," "intrusive thoughts suicide," "depressed lost the few friends I had," "disturbing intrusive thoughts," "disinterest in life," "black and white thinking borderline personality disorder," and "I don't want to do anything depression." These phrases are just a sampling of the ways you remind me I am not alone. I hope after visiting here, reading here, you come to realize you are not alone either. Take care, and thanks for a great year!

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