Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, January 2, 2009

tired again

Whew...I've been so tired the past few days. Maybe it was staying up late on New Year's Eve. Maybe it was staying up late combined with being let down by someone I didn't know could be so rude. Disappointment must be exhausting, because I'm exhausted! Maybe working a regular schedule is catching up with me. I've been really wiped out after my 10-hour days. Maybe it's just frickin' depression cycling through me again. It's a familiar feeling, after all. Seems I go through this heaviness every other month or so.
I hate feeling like this. I'm sleepy tired. I made it out to a morning meeting, then I had to nap. I slugged through a late morning run, then I had to nap. I met with the teen I mentor early this afternoon, then I had to nap. I had to. I couldn't stay awake.
I've tried to stay awake, but even when awake I've felt heavy, disinterested and sluggish. Ironically, about the only thing I've had the energy to do is lie down! Now, despite feeling sleepy, I'm unable to sleep. I've slept so much today, yet I remain sleepy. I hate that!
I don't know why this occurs. It just does, but I wish it just wouldn't. I hate feeling like this. I can't function well when I feel like this. Depression? Disappointment? Work? I don't know. I don't really care. I just wish I knew how to fix it.

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