Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Goodbyes and Celebrations

Yesterday was a big day. It was the last day of my '40 days of yoga' class. We had a two hour, rather than the usual one hour session, from 6:00-8:00 AM. I wanted to write about it yesterday, but I think I needed more time to process before setting it to words. So here I day later, early morning, sipping my coffee before work, and wondering what the hell I am going to do without the structure of my yoga program? Besides the physical benefits to my body, the most influential piece of this journey was simply the structure.

Structure. That's not a word I've mingled with since depression snatched my life. I'm sure many of you can relate. The unpredictability of my illness, and maybe yours, too, does not lend itself to structure. Rather, structure is an expectation-laden, frightful concept which I try to avoid. That statement probably doesn't resonate with normies, but if your illness is like my illness, you know what I mean.
It's hard to plan for anything when one's symptoms may change from day to day, or morning to afternoon, or as has happened to me occasionally, hour to hour! Doing anything for 40 straight days was a minor miracle in my life.

The class was beautiful. The sense of power and accomplishment among us was palpable. Like me, many of us suited up and showed up for all 40 days. We groaned, laughed, contemplated, sweat and cried together. It was a intensely physical experience. It was a mentally stimulating experience. It was a rather deep spiritual experience.

Our fearless leaders sent us on our way in style. We danced to the music of Kool and the Gang--Celebration, of course! We silently looked each and every other group member in the eyes in an uncomfortable, tear-filled, intimate exercise. We sang, we laughed...and laughed some more. Words cannot express...

I am proud of myself for sticking it out. I am proud to be associated with an employer who was willing to step outside the box and offer this experience. I am humbled by and grateful to the women who organized the program. I wish you all could have been there.

1 comment:

Michelle (The Beartwinsmom) said...

Sounds awesome! I wish I could find a class like that around here. Are you going to continue to do yoga at home?

Hugs, Michelle aka The BearTwinsMom (yes, I have fallen off the blogosphere)