Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Next Goal: Grandma's Marathon

Today was the first day of the next 18 weeks; 18 weeks which will culminate in Grandma's Marathon in Duluth, MN. For my long-time readers, this will be deja vue all over again. Last year at this time, I began training for the Grandma's half marathon, a.k.a. The Garry Bjorklund Half Marathon. While that was a semi-success, The Twin Cities Marathon which followed was a huge DNF disappointment. Perhaps that DNF is what's scaring me about taking on Grandma's in 18 weeks.

Setting goals is always risky, maybe more so when illness is part of daily life. As was my goal last October at Twin Cities, I'd like to qualify for Boston. How will I feel if I don't meet that expectation again? Will my leg hold up, or will injury slow me down again? Do I want to take the risk, or do I want to let my apprehension hold me back? Finally, and most importantly, do I want to put in the amount of work required to not only finish the race but finish in 3:45? Perhaps that's the biggest question.

Today was the first time I've run since the first week of my 40 days of yoga class. I didn't miss it. The yoga was more than enough. In fact, I think the core strength I gained during yoga will serve me well while running. However, I'm not looking forward to the training. That's the first time I've ever said that. On my first three miles today, I couldn't wait for it to be done. It's going to be very difficult to train properly if every 3 miles feels like ten. Starting over is always difficult, and I hope that's the only thing happening here.

It's tough to train if training is unappealing. It's even tougher if training is drudgery. Since I'm starting anew, I'm going to push through for at least three weeks before making any long-term decisions. Today the goal is a 3:45 at Grandma's Marathon in 18 weeks. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, any words of encouragement or experience would be greatly appreciated!


mfranks said...

Good luck with training!

Anonymous said...

I wish you luck. Hoping you can find enjoyment in your running.
I'm training for the Fargo Half Marathon which is this May. And then the Omaha Marathon in Semptember (which will be my first full marathon).
It is a battle, but, for me, one which keeps me focused on something other than the stress of work and recurring depression. I've not felt better in years. The aches and pains of the runs also seem to come with feeling really good. I am concerned about injury as I have some lower back issues. And might feel really let down if injury thwarts my goals. But I'm plodding forward and hope you can to if its what you want. For some, running is just a part of who we are. Good luck.

PS--You're an inspiration for me and a lovely person.


etta said...

Ahhhh, Creston, thank you! What a nice thing to say. I am so glad you are finding the beauty of running. I love running so much...that's one of the reasons it is particularly hard to feel this ambivalent about it. Like bad days with depression, I'm counting on this feeling passing. Thanks again for the compliment.