Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Say it Now...

This morning, on the way to my usual AA meeting, I couldn't wait to talk to Stan about the Vikings new quarterback. We both loved the Vikings, and we both hated last season's QB options. It took a couple seconds before I remembered I wouldn't be sharing any thoughts with Stan. I looked to the sky... I could almost see him smiling with optimism for next season.

The Vikings--Stan and I discussed them a lot. He was one of few men who didn't flinch when, on occasion, a woman knew more about sports than he. I never told him how much I appreciated that. I never expected I wouldn't sit with him, share chili and the game, and yell at the TV again. I'll miss that.

We never know, do we, when our exit will come.

Just a few days after Stan died, my yoga instructor said, "Tell the ones you love. Tell them today what they mean to you. Tell them now, because even though you are planning to come to class tomorrow, you may not make it here." That's the reality of life, isn't it? And yet, even with my recent experience, I've had difficulty taking her suggested action. Why is that? How about you? Have you said, "I love you," or "Thank you," today?


Anonymous said...

I dont feel the need because I feel this lost oblivion will go on forever no matter what.

etta said...

That's unfortunate, anonymous. I'm sorry you are in such pain.
I have found focusing outside myself during these painful times helps take my attention off my pain, and it may help make another person's day.

Anonymous said...

i coach lacrosse and I find it easy to give to the kids and maybe you are right by looking outside, might let me get inside and not dwell? if that males sense?
I love this thing you do it resonates with me quite alot..thk you helps to read about it..