Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

20 miles

It was an absolutely beautiful day for a marathon. I used the occasion of today's Med-City Marathon to run the affiliated 20 mile training run. Running my training run alongside racers, I was a bit concerned I would go out too fast and race rather than train. I did run a little too fast in several of the early miles, but mostly I held myself in check. The bigger goal, however, was to run around 9 minutes per mile AND feel good while doing it. Unfortunately, that goal I did not meet.

By the 8 mile mark, I knew it was going to be a long day. My legs were tired and tight--unusual for me. I don't usually tighten up, especially that early. I was able to maintain my pace, but I definitely did not feel "good." One pit stop and several walking/stretching breaks brought my overall finishing pace down to 9:20 per mile. That pace didn't bother me. It was, after all, only a training run. However, I was very concerned with how poorly I felt running that pace.

I was both physically and mentally tired today. As a dress rehearsal, this 20-miler was definitely a flop. If I want to qualify for Boston four weeks from now, I will need to run much faster than 9:20 per mile and run for 6.2 more miles than I ran today. I don't think I could have run 6.2 more miles today even if I had wanted to, and I didn't want to! The physical and mental fatigue, the difficulty of the "slow" pace, and the aching in my legs and feet were each concerning. It was a tough day.

I'm trying not to fret too much. Tough days happen. I know that. Adopting the positive spin, I was able to maintain my pace despite feeling so tough. I guess that's one good thing. It's so much nicer, however, when I can maintain my pace and feel good! I'm trying not to fret too much. Having a tough day today doesn't necessarily mean I'm not ready to run a faster marathon. Right? But I am concerned...

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