Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Frustrated with fatigue!

She tells me I may just have to accept it. At least it's just fatigue. At least my mood is still okay. It could be worse. I could have fatigue and a low mood. I could have fatigue, a low mood, and pain. It could be worse.

It could be worse, but who likes to hear that? My therapist is right, of course. We've looked, and looked, and looked for a cause behind this 3+ year battle with fatigue. I have a bit of sleep apnea, but the cure for that didn't cure the fatigue. It wasn't low vitamin D, which was also a hope(?). I don't have any screwed up labs. Everything is normal or better than normal. I'm just tired, and the only cause left is depression.

Of course, I don't want to accept that. I don't want to accept depression as the cause. After all, if depression is the cause, it means there's nothing left to do. I'm taking meds, which are certainly working--for everything but the fatigue--so I'm not going to change those. I'm doing the best I can to work and play around the morass. What else can I do but accept?

But this is hard to accept. It would be so much easier if something was physically wrong! But as she pointed out, there is something wrong. I have depression. I'm fatigued. It's a symptom of depression. I need more sleep than most everyone I know. I'm in good shape, yet I need to sleep during the day. Sometimes my body aches with fatigue if I can't lie down. It's frustrating. It sucks. And yet, I know, it could be worse. But acceptance? I don't know if I'm there yet...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Etta -

Here's some blog-love that will do you good. If you've read her before, ignore kindly :)

She feels alot of fatigue, but for a different reason. A few of her posts will help you realize how much you (and us all) have to be thankful for.

It helps me.