Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

another day in the life

not a particularly special day today. spent most of it alone. saw my psychiatrist. she's pleased the new med seems to be combating at least some of the fatigue, although i did note i still need to sleep every day. took a 90 minute nap today, and i'll probably be in bed by 8PM tonight. still can't get through the day without sleeping and caffeine. frustrating.

and perhaps related to the fatigue, i am also frustrated with my inability to lose this extra weight. this is the heaviest i've been in my life. i look fine. i look thin. it's the running thing. extra weight on a runner equals slower times. that certainly has proven true for me--big time! i just don't feel good lugging around at least ten extra pounds. i feel literally heavy. i've never had a problem with my weight. always been one of those annoying people who could eat anything and as much as they wanted. now it's different. despite exercising more and paying much closer attention to what i'm eating, my weight has not changed. it really sucks!

speaking of heavy, my legs were heavy and tired today, so i rode my bike rather than run. only went about 16 miles. the weather was crappy, so it wasn't especially fun to be out there. really windy with intermittent sprinkling rain. on my way home, as i wound my way through busy streets, i noted how much more stressful it is to bike than it is to run. the drivers here don't seem to care much for bikers, and there never seems to be enough room on the road. i'm always afraid someone isn't seeing me, and i'm about to become a hood ornament! it makes me quite anxious. running is so much more serene.

have a half marathon coming up this saturday. i'm not expecting too much, as i am feeling tired from all of my training. like i said, my legs are a little dead. i do hope i run better than i did in that local 11-miler three weeks ago. i hope i feel better than i did then, too. we'll see what happens. i'm not really looking forward to the race, but it's one everybody runs, so i will, too.

and that's about it. another day in the life. i'll keep moving forward one day at a time. hope you will, too.

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