Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The half marathon report

Another perfectly gorgeous day today! Wow, we couldn't have asked for much nicer weather in which to race. I believe over 600 runners showed up. The course was new this year. It used to be an out and back course, which included many miles on a foot-bruising gravel road. Yuck! This year, it wound around the city, hitting some historic neighborhoods and several parks. It was lovely--a big improvement.

I improved as well. I think I came in a few minutes faster this year than last. That was a surprise because this year's course had a few lengthy hills, and as I mentioned a couple days ago, my legs have been feeling a bit dead. So, I'm happy about that, but I'm still not where I want to be.

I finished in 1:47:32, which was fifth in my very small age division. An average of 8:12 per mile is certainly better than I ran a few weeks ago, but it is not near the 7:45's I put down this spring. Worse, it is nowhere close to the 7:20's I ran a couple years ago for the same distance! I am encouraged that my recent times are coming down, but it is hard to figure why I've had such a dramatic drop off over just a couple years. It has to be the weight.

I've got to drop the weight. Only then will I be satisfied that I am just slower. Period. Accept it. Until I can lose these pounds, being slower will be difficult to accept. Actually, it's not just being slower, it is the amount of effort I must put out to run these slower times. That's really the issue, I think.

When I was running faster, sure racing was strenuous, but it was also easier. I felt light and free. Running felt natural. It flowed. I'm not flowing right now. That is what I'm ultimately striving for, I guess. Light. Free. Flowing. If I felt like that, it really wouldn't matter what the clock said at the finish line. I would be satisfied.

Overall, it was a good day to be a runner. I'm encouraged but hardly satisfied. I've got a lot of work to do, with my eating and on the roads, to get back to flowing. And flowing--that's where I want to be.


Anonymous said...

how can I contact you via email?

etta said...

I can be reached at runettarun at gmail dot com.