Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

hot, sleepy, tough

I haven't written yet this weekend because I've been having a long, hot, lazy, sleepy, tough-running time so far. Not sure if it's the weather, or a dip in my mood, or hormonal, or sleep apnea, or what...I'm not sure it it's anything at all. Perhaps it just is.

It just is--hot and humid. I grew up in a lakeside community where many people don't even have air conditioning. I don't do humid very well. I ran the longest 12 miles I've run in years yesterday. I hit the wall--hard--at mile three. At mile 6 I was back at home dropping off Puck and taking in any sustenance I could find. The fact that I even went back out was amazing. I contemplated quitting more than once. The second 6 mile leg took more than an hour to complete. I was drenched in sweat. I couldn't seem to get enough to drink. I didn't have any gas in my tank. My legs felt like jelly. You name it, I was struggling with it. It was a long, long run.

After my run, I slept and slept and slept. Don't get me wrong, I had plenty of other things to do. I just couldn't. Eating made me tired. Watching TV made me tired. Taking care of Puck made me tired. Thinking of doing anything made me tired. So I slept.

You'd think a person wouldn't be able to sleep much after sleeping practically an entire day away, yet here I am sleeping again today. I slept all night. I slept into the morning. I made it to an AA meeting, which of course made me tired, so I slept some more. Five miles are on the schedule today, but I'm waiting for the sun to go down and my energy to come up. I'm certain the former will happen, less clear of my chances for the latter.

It's been a long, strange weekend. I'm trying not to worry about it. I'm trying to just let it be what it is. Besides, my mood seems okay, and I did get my long run done. The rest is just gravy, right? It would be nice, however, to wake up!

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