Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, August 7, 2009

lunch thoughts...

I'm at work. Slow day. Having random thoughts. My co-workers all went out for a lunch buffet. I'm scared of buffets. Luke warm food picked over by hoards of coughing, non-hand washers is just not appealing to me. For some reason I lose my appetite.

I saw my doctor yesterday. She's quite pleased the new, anti-fatigue med appears to be working. I checked my pulse a couple times yesterday and it was 68 and 72. That's not stellar for a runner, but it's better than it was on the old anti-fatigue med. Despite the average, rather than high, pulse rate, I'm still concerned the med is what made my race last weekend so tough.

Speaking of racing... I have a race tomorrow. It's a local 10K. Ten kilometers (6.2 miles) is not my favorite race distance. I'm more suited to the 5K--run fast and hold on--or the half marathon (13.1 miles)--run steady and hold on. The 10K falls somewhere in the middle. It's too long to run fast and hold on. It's too short to run steady and hold on. I'm never quite sure how to attack the distance. I'll let you know tomorrow if I figure it out.

Back to that new med... I'll let you know tomorrow how the race goes. If I feel like I'm running into the wall way too soon and much too hard, I'll be very worried about that med. It would reinforce the idea that it is affecting my ability to run fast. I hope that's not what happens, though. Since beginning that med, my mood has risen while my fatigue level has dropped. I don't want to have to decide, again, about taking a med which helps my fatigue but injures my running.

Does anyone out there watch the TV show, Dexter? I've been going through the first two seasons on DVD. I love it! Check it out if you have no idea what I'm talking about. And with that random thought, my lunch has ended. Good day, everyone!


Valerie said...

Meds have messed with my heartrate, too. It sucks. As if it isn't difficult enough to just find the right med, then to have that drama....No way!

Good luck with the 10k. I only dream of running again...Nowhere close.

dina marie said...

At some point in the past I had bookmarked some blogs on depression and I just read through some of your recent entries. It is always so interesting to me how those of us who struggle with mental illness speak the same "language" of depression. Sometimes it is like I am reading my own journal. I am a bit envious of your running abilities and happy that you are able to have the energy to do something that you love. I have learned over time how critical exercise can be to maintaining my stability. But at my worst depressive times, exercise has not even felt like an option. I find that when I am in a depression episode, it is hard to imagine how I had ever felt happy and alive. And when I am in a good place, I wonder what had ever felt so bad that I wanted to die. I like to read about others experiences and thoughts; I don't feel so alone. Thanks for sharing.

etta said...

Thanks Valerie--Nice to know someone out there understands what I'm talking about. Also, keep dreaming about running. I started with one can, too.

dina marie--I appreciate your comment. Thank you so much. It is interesting how so many of us express the same struggles with similar language. It reminds me my experience is not a solitary one. Thanks for visiting!