Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

NOT tired??

Driving home tonight, a 45 minute drag of a drive, I couldn't put my finger on it. Something was different. Hmmm...what was it? My car was the same old Saturn I've driven for the past 11 years. The road was the same boring, flat, rural strip. The radio was blaring the same, hip, yuppie station. But something was different.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. It was the yawning. The yawning, or more specifically the lack of yawning, that was the difference! I wasn't yawning. I wasn't slipping on the precipice of consciousness. Rather than bobbing up and down, my head was still. That was it! I wasn't tired!

Not being tired is such big news in my world, I had to tell you. I was exhausted yesterday. I was tired the day before that. But today, I'm not tired. Is it too much to hope that this will last? Could this be a new trend? Maybe that new med is making a difference. Maybe it's the C-PAP machine I've worn each recent night. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

Maybe I'll stop worrying about why, and when, and how long; and just enjoy this moment of relative normalcy. Hmmm...normal. So this is what it feels like.

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