Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Racing again

I ran another race today. Eleven miles, out and back, pure torture! Okay, I'm exaggerating. It wasn't all torture, but the last 2-3 miles were a death march. God, I wanted to stop and walk something fierce! I didn't. Yippee (she said dripping with sarcasm)!

Here's how it went down:
It was a beautiful, cool morning--perfect running weather. I trolled through the first 5.5 miles with two other women in my age group, one of whom chatted most of the way. It was nice. We had fun. I knew, however, that they were both running stronger and easier than I. At the turnaround, I let them go.

I didn't see one of them again. It was the same woman I locked up with, and who outlasted me, last weekend. She looks great! I caught and passed the other woman about 4.5 miles from the finish. I felt really strong when I caught her. I think I was even speeding up. Unfortunately, that didn't last. By the time I hit 3 miles to go, my feeling was more uh-oh than yippee. The last two miles, as I noted, were torturous hell.

I'm disappointed both with how horrible I felt, and how slowly it turns out I ran. I averaged about 8:30 per mile. Contrast that with the 7:45's I averaged in a 9.4 mile race just two months ago, and you can see why I'm disappointed. I certainly felt like I was running a whole lot faster! That's never a positive thing.

The intense effort and poor result makes me concerned that this new anti-fatigue med is causing the same problem the old med, it's cousin, did. That is, increase my resting pulse rate.

When I ran the 9.4 mile race, my resting pulse had finally returned to a reasonable 62. (I quit taking the old med in December.) My current resting pulse is in the mid 70's, although it was in the mid 70's the week before I started the new med, too. Nonetheless, racing today felt a lot like racing last year did--tough, and last year it was due to the old med's side effect. But I realize I can't jump to any conclusions, because the other reality is I've hardly trained since Grandma's. Today's result could be nothing more than that. Wait and see, I guess. Wait and see...

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