Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Better--A strange place to be.

Feeling less fatigue. Having a lighter mood. Handling stress more efficiently. Feeling less distracted. Questioning life's meaning less. It's strange...this better place. How did I get here?

July, despite the sun, was so long and so dark. It had no clear beginning. It felt like it would never end. It was no different than so many months before.

August dawned and brought new light. Though the days grew shorter and darker, my mood rose above. Nothing new or different that I recall doing, except...

Those darn schedules. They were new and different. A running plan, a plan not to gorge on chocolate, keeping track of what I ate and if I exercised or not. Assignments from my psychologist in hopes of getting me back on track.

Could that be it? Could schedules, combined with med changes and a supplement addition be the difference? I hope so. It's better to have a reason for the mood change than to have it change for no reason at all.

That's usually how it's happened in the reason. Up and down with no particular cause and therefore no way to make it end. This is different. Did I finally effect change by my actions alone? Or is it, as they say on Law and Order, circumstantial evidence at best?

I guess I'll never know. And that's okay. I'm okay with continuing what I'm doing. Circumstantial evidence works for me. I'd kinda like to get used to this new, strange place. Better--it is a strange place to be, but I like it. I like it a lot.


Anonymous said...

Check out this link:

Check out the Toxicology section of the active ingredient Eurycoma Longifolia. Note the word: Depression. Be very careful.

No information is available about the toxicity of E. longifolia in humans. However, the LD 50 for an oral dose of E. longifolia alcoholic extract in mice was 2.6 g/kg; symptoms of acute toxicity included depression, shallow respiration, and convulsion. Ninety-five percent of the mice died at a dose of 0.43 g/kg, and increased weights of the liver, kidneys, spleen, and testes were observed. 19

One product, M-Tongkat Ali , harvested and prepared in Malaysia, was found to have higher than normal traces of lead (10.64 +/− 0.37ppm of lead). 24

etta said...

Thanks, that's interesting. I'm glad I'm not a mouse.

Seriously though, my doctor and I both researched the ingredients in the supplement. So far, I feel great on it, but I'm not recommending it to anyone. I just wanted to let others know I found something that worked for me. I didn't want to keep a secret about a product I found beneficial. I expect people will do their own due diligence before starting any supplement or medication.