Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 16 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Better. Yet intrusive thoughts?

I had a day interrupted by intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are disturbing, aggressive, repetitive thoughts which barge into one's mind. That's my definition, anyway. My intrusive thoughts aren't necessarily based in reality, and sometimes they don't even make sense.

Today, my disturbing thoughts were about Puck. Over and over I had visions of someone arbitrarily entering my yard and shooting him, or of someone driving over him while he struggled to get out of the way. Why Puck? Why today? My best guess? I'm still traumatized by last week's attack.

I do find it odd that I had scary, intrusive thoughts today. I've been feeling better. I don't think I've ever had intrusive thoughts while my symptoms have essentially been in remission. This was a new day.

And that's why I'm noting it here. I was surprised by the disturbing thoughts. I didn't realize I would or could have these damn thoughts while feeling well. Apparently, I was wrong. I guess I'll have to refine my definition of intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are disturbing, aggressive, repetitive thoughts which barge into one's mind, and they can occur at any time.

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