Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, October 31, 2009

A good 10K

With a temp of 35 degrees and wind gusting up to 30 mph, running my planned 10K this morning was suddenly not very appealing. Of course my leg hurt, and I'm still having my morose mood moments, too. Taken all together, it would have been much easier to stay in bed.

However, I needed to run if I wanted any chance of placing in my track club's grand prix series. Today's race was the last chance to earn points. At the start of the day, there were three of us within three points of each other at the top of our age group. I knew both of those women would run, so being the competitive spirit that I am, I got out of bed and ran, too.

Competition is funny. I love it and hate it. It's not like I felt overly stressed, yet I had thoughts of quitting even before the gun went off. Perhaps my fear of failing is stronger than my joy of competing or winning. That's likely. And that's why I felt it was important for me to stay, to run, to conquer that stupid fear!

I really have nothing to be afraid of. There's no contentious rivalry between any of us. I love and enjoy the other women with whom I compete. You might even call us friends. In fact, after the race we hung out, laughed and socialized for a couple hours! It was really nice.

The race, on the other hand, was less than nice. It was cold and hard. The wind really took it's toll. As one of my fellow racer's noted, the wind was another competitor today. We really had to fight against it. The course was also hilly, with the largest and longest hills coming right at the end and into the wind. Not nice. Despite those challenges, I raced well.

I wanted to go out fast, and I did. I ran a 7:05 first mile and hung around a 7:20 pace through mile four. Miles 5 and 6, like I said, were either uphill, directly into the wind, or both. My split times pointedly reflect that fact. Mile five took me 7:54, and I ran an 8:02 sixth mile while exerting the same effort it took to run 7:20 earlier! I finished in 46:57, fifth overall and second in my age group. I felt really good about my effort and about conquering my fear. In the end, as usual, I'm glad I went.

Only two weeks until marathon day...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

GREAT JOB!! Keep on keepin