Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

In tune with the mood

I met with my psychiatrist today. Not much new to report, although I have noticed a little dip in my mood over the past few days. Actually, I noticed the dip on Monday, in the stairwell, at work, around 1:25 PM. Literally. It literally hit me like that. Uh-oh, I thought, I'm feeling a little low. My discovery was followed by a brief moment of worry, and then I went back to work.

I think it is relatively rare to be so in tune with one's mood that microscopic changes become apparent. Perhaps this is a side effect of having depression. Perhaps the years of struggle have trained my brain to be the microscope, to take note of every little change up or down. Even as I noted my tiny dip Monday, I thought it was strange.

I'm not sure if this microscope effect is good or bad. It's not like I go around worrying about my mood. I don't spend my waking moments taking note of every perturbation. Sometimes, like on Monday, it just hits me--Boom, your mood has changed. Weird. Good? Bad? I don't know. It just is, I guess.

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