Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Finally a run

Yippee! I went for a run today! It's bitter cold here, so I had to do it indoors on the treadmill (or as my friend Renee calls it, the dreadmill). I wasn't sure how it would go, as my lungs still felt clogged. It was really busy at my gym. I almost used that as an excuse to walk out, but I stayed and ran instead.

Surprisingly, it went well. I ran almost 5 miles at a pretty good clip. My legs were certainly well-rested, so no lingering pains there. And my lungs felt okay. In fact, I think the run helped clear them out a bit. I did some light lifting afterward. I feel pleasantly tired now. I hadn't ran since Christmas day! That was a long time ago!

On the job front, it looks like I will be staying with my current employer a while longer. I didn't get the local job for which I had applied a couple weeks ago. They went with someone with whom they had a previous relationship, and that made sense. I would have done the same thing.

I am surprisingly okay with the result. Initially, I reeeaaaly wanted this job, and I fretted about it for at least four days. Then, realizing how anxious I was making myself, I did something remarkable. I turned the result over to my higher power--just like my AA program teaches me! Their decision, after all, was totally out of my control. So I relaxed and gave it away, and it worked! I'm okay. Remarkable.

I have faith now that most things happen for a reason. Before AA, I would have spit on you for suggesting such a thing! Really. But I've seen it and experienced it myself, when disappointments have turned into fortunes. Perhaps my higher power wants me to stay at my nursing home so I can be with my patient (see previous post) while he dies. Maybe there's something there for me to learn. Maybe I'll never know the reason. That's okay, too. I'm supposed to be where I'm supposed to be, I guess.

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