Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

living with the ups and downs

The last few days have been interesting. The mornings have been characterized by sadness, tearfulness and hopelessness. For example, after my coffee this morning I laid down on the sofa--heavy and tearful. I didn't want to move. The upcoming day felt overwhelming. There was no reason behind any of it.

Likewise, there seems no reason for the different emotions I've felt in the afternoons. The afternoons have been okay, even good. No sadness, hopelessness nor tears. I'm not talking about major swings in mood, just shifts from one to another. The morning heaviness leaves, and normalcy (whatever that is) sets in. It's weird.

My physical health has been much less weird. In fact, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm in the second week of my triathlon training class. I'm actually finding it enjoyable to have someone else direct my training for awhile. We have workouts 6 days per week. Monday we ran and then swam. Today I did biking and strengthening. I actually feel a bit out of running shape because I'm doing other things on most days. I do feel stronger already. Hopefully the running will come.

I'm off to bed soon. Five o'clock a.m. comes pretty quickly. Here's my gratitude list for the day. I'm grateful to be free of the intrusive thoughts which plagued me over the last few weeks. I'm grateful I enjoy and have the physical ability to run, bike, and swim. I'm grateful to have a sponsee working the AA program. She helps keep me sober. And I'm grateful to have a warm house during these extremely cold days. What's on your gratitude list today? Think about it. Good night.

1 comment:

Krystal said...

Great post!

I've been weepy lately too, mostly during times when I am alone, like in the car driving to work.

I also started keeping track of things to be grateful for a couple of weeks ago when I found myself being kind of whiny and negative about stuff. It helped me change my attitude!

I'm not super religious, but the last few months I've been praying with my sons before they go to bed. They enjoy this ritual and we just kind of do free-form prayer and ramble about stuff we are thankful for and people/animals who may need help. This has been helping as well, not to mention adding a calming effect to our bedtime routine. . .

Thanks for such honest posts!