Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Speed bump

I was cruising along so fine and so fast, and then BAM! Now I'm missing my axle. Not sure how it happened. I certainly didn't see that speed bump ahead. Apparently it was there, in the road, waiting to take me apart. If I had seen it, I would have slowed down, maybe even stopped. I certainly would have made my way around it. Instead, I'm sitting here with a broken axle, unable to move forward and unsure what it is I should do next.
I've called my mechanics--all of them! It's nice to talk to them, to e-mail back and forth, even to visit. They're very supportive, but ultimately they're powerless to fix it. They don't stock axles. They've each got parts--pieces I might use to mend it. They've got directions and suggestions, but ultimately the axle is mine to rebuild. I'm the only mechanic with the tools. I've got to get through this myself.

And isn't that how it is? We all have outside input, support and directions. The parts are out there, but the tools are ours alone. Nobody else can pick them up and put us back together again. For that, we must rely on ourselves.

I'm looking through my tools. I'm sorting through the parts my mechanics have generously laid at my feet. It seems more confusing when taken by surprise, as I was with this speed bump, but I have to have faith it will all come together again. No matter the difficulty or confusion, I must take up my tools and rebuild. With a little time and perseverance, I pray for reassembly. For it is only a reassembled axle which will support my journey ahead.


Anonymous said...

beautifully said...

Mohican said...


Eva said...

What a great analogy, Etta. So accurate - and inspiring at the same time. "I have the tools, I can tackle this repair." Thanks for this.