Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


What a strange day. I slept in, taking advantage of my one rest day in the past couple weeks, but once up I continued to feel tired and sluggish. At the same time, I was totally, physically anxious! My heart was racing. I was a bit nauseous. I felt worried, scared, jittery. Strange. Things finally got so out of control, I resorted to an anti-anxiety med I very rarely need to take. It was awful.

Of course the anxiety med made me sleepy, so I ended up back in bed. My day didn't really start until mid-afternoon. After a walk with my boy, I finally got to work. Laundry, bills, dishes...the usual routine. I felt a little better, but still off.

I'm still a little off now. Perhaps I'm anxious about this Friday night. I volunteered to speak about "Gratitude in Action" at a large AA gathering. It's a 15 minute gig, but I am nervous. For starters, I just began seriously thinking about what to say today. And I don't know what to say! Yikes! It's not like telling my story, which of course I know by heart! This is more like a class assignment--I've got to figure out what to say before 7:00 PM Friday, and then I've got to say it! Yikes, again! Think positive thoughts for me, okay?

I'll leave you with this positive thought. I found it during my research today. Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. --Brian Tracy


Bryan said...

Really i can imagine how anxiety can affect your life...This is really a very well written blog...Thanks,
Teen depression

Lincoln said...

Etta, I'm curious about your anxiety. I was just diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder--after 20+ years of therapists, medications, etc. Add a whole new diagnosis is incredibly intimidating. Like you, my best Rx has always been running, but as I wrote you once before, it's so overwhelming when one's disease prevents one from taking the best possible medicine. By the way, do I remember you saying you were training for the Richmond Marathon? Thanks, as always, for your site and for sharing your struggle.

PeaceMan said...

Etta- enjoyed reading as great what your doing as i to am committed to breaking down stigma !

Jen said...

Hi Etta-I just started following your blog. Thank you for sharing your experience. I love the positive quote you added at the end. Awesome! Best wishes for your speech! I'm sure you'll do great and just think of how releaved you'll feel when it's over and you're back home w/ your doggy!