Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Somewhat sane again.

The applause was loud and long, and there were a lot of smiles and hugs afterward, so I guess my little talk about "Gratitude in Action" went well last night. I was quite relieved when it was over. I usually have no problem speaking in front of people, but last night I was nervous the whole way through. Oh well, like I said, my talk was well received and the feedback was really great.

Nice feedback is always good for my mood, but my mood has been good anyway. I'm actually feeling really good. Things seem to be entirely back to normal from that little dip I had about one month ago. It's nice to be able to focus on life and not have to battle my mind again.

The focus of my life these days is a bit narrow. Work and train. Train and work. Today I did a difficult 2 hour workout. The first hour was a very tough interval workout in the pool. I followed that with a more relaxed hour on the bike. Tomorrow I have a tough hill workout on the treadmill before going to work. Like I said, train and work. Work and train.

I prefer a challenging treadmill workout to what I had to do in the pool today. There's still a big difference between a tough pool workout and a challenging land workout for me. In the pool, when I get short of breath, I panic slightly--after all, I can't just pant uncontrollably like I can outside. I still have to maintain that damn rhythmic breathing or drown. I guess that's what I'm afraid of--drowning. I tolerate burning lungs much better outside than I do in the pool.

After burning my lungs for a couple hours this morning, I attended my usual AA meeting, filled my stomach, and then went back to sleep! I was tired! I guess I should have said my life focus these days is working, training and sleeping! But then again, I've needed a ton of sleep ever since this depression began. It's nice that I am now physically tired for a reason other than depression. Really nice.

Here's something to think about: Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act. Action will delineate and define you. --Thomas Jefferson


AthenaRevive said...


Oh I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to find a blog which speaks of recovery. There are so many depression/anxiety blogs out there that don't even touch on recovery. I started one myself.. 2 days into it and I know I need the help of medicine...I'm so determined to recover. Thanks for sharing your story it helps to know people actually recover!!

Gail said...

I came across you BLOG today when I was looking for articles on Mental Toughness. I had a burnout at work over two years ago. Not entirely sure of what the causing factors were but being addicted to work and losing balance in my life left me exhausted both physically and mentally. The resulting depression, shame and guilt have had a firm grip on me. I felt like there would not be an end unless I chose the end. The two factors that kept me moving forward (other than my wonderful husband and two adult children) were: our black flat coated retriever that came into my life in the aftermath of my burnout and my involvement in sport. My friends in running, triathlon and kayaking dragged me along to events and would not let me hibernate. Finally, I am starting to feel much better the last six weeks. It is exciting to recognize 'me' again. I am so happy to find your site and to see you stand tall in the face of your challenges.