Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Three days left

Only three days left until the big event. My triathlon starts at 7 AM Sunday morning. I start right at 7:00 in the first of three waves. As usual during a taper week, I'm freaking out because I feel heavy. The fact that it is my last week of work, I'm about to start a new job, I'm squeezing in extra obligations, and my triathlon suit's zipper keeps breaking may have something to do with the freaking out as well! I don't know. What do you think?

Finishing at my current job has been bitter-sweet. Upper management has barely lifted a finger to replace me, and my co-workers expect to be swamped. That makes me feel a little guilty. I'll miss working with my co-workers, especially my assistant. She's pretty damn good. We work cooperatively and have fun together. I'll miss that. I won't miss the lazy, unfriendly nursing home staff, however. Good riddance! And I certainly won't miss the drive. Like I said, leaving has been a bitter-sweet process.

I haven't had too much time to be anxious about my new job yet. I'm spending too much energy worrying about the triathlon. I've been running around trying to fit in extra obligations, which are required of me before I can start the new job. For example, today I have to spend four hours getting my CPR re-certification. I'm hoping we don't take the whole four hours. That's half my day! I've got other things to do!

I've got to work out, go to the dentist, hit the track club board meeting, and exercise Puck. I'm hoping to get my workout done early this morning before CPR. I'm scheduled to swim for 60 minutes. Seems like a lot of swimming so close to the triathlon, but I probably need to burn a few extra calories so I'll do it. After swimming for that long, I may actually be able to focus on CPR. As soon as I finish CPR, I'll be off to the dentist. I have another fractured tooth (too much popcorn!) which we will try to save with a filling. I'm losing my dental insurance with this new job, so I'm trying to get my dental work done now! I pray I won't need another root canal! Perhaps I should seriously consider giving up popcorn. This evening I have the track club board meeting, but I may not make it this month. We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Puck will need my attention, too.

As we say in Minnesota, "Uff Dah!" I've got a busy day ahead! I'll have to say a little prayer, take it one moment at a time, and just work my way through it. Life is moving forward. I'll try to set my fears and worry aside and hang on for the ride! "Wheeeeee..." Have a great day!


Mohican said...

That's more than I do in a month!

Maggie Beth said...

I don't know What The Hee-Haw Honey a "Uff Dah!" is ~ but I'll give you a magnolia covered, "Bless your heart!"

And I'm gonna add, "Sug, you are using a lot of wood to build a bridge you haven't come too!"

By the time you read this comment, much of this "Stuff" will be a memory! (and it will be accomplished! Uff Dah!)

Two important thoughts though ~ (1) the guilt you are feeling about leaving your job is FALSE guilt. You concentrate on the amazing door that opened allowing you a great new job. You can take those you want "with you" when you leave ~ leave the rest behind. When I change jobs I ALWAYS sit in the parking lot that LAST time and consider how my life (and ME) have changed since that journey began - This usually involves happy tears.

Etta, Girl, don't you get so caught up in the briars of stuff you can't control; that you miss out on the joy (AND CELBRATION!!) of how far you have grown!!!

(2) Know that I am routin' for ya in that little race you've talked about so much! (WINK~)

I wrote a little sticky note and put it by my computer ~ it says, "Sunday". That will remind me to think wonderfully happy and inspiring thoughts for you!! Girl, I know that you are gonna run like the wind! ((Oh, Gawd, now I have "Run, Forrest! Run!" Flyin' through my head!!))

Finally, this is the part where women from my part of the world, would take both your hands in theirs, stare you deeply in the eyes, and in a very serious tone will say, "You can do anythin' you put your mind too. I have faith in you!"

I do have faith in you Etta ~ would that I had HALF the courage and strength you show! (SMILE) I hope something within this "silly satarical Southern" comment made you smile.

Who knows!? If you do well, Sunday we may vote to make you an honorary Steele Magnolia! Gawd knows you've earned it!

So "Run! Etta! Run!" ~ Peace! Maggie B!

etta said...

Oh, Maggie Beth, you did make me smile! Never thought this Northerner would have a Southerner rootin' for her!

Regarding Uff-Dah! You must watch Fargo! We really do talk like that...well, they do exaggerate a bit. Maybe I'll watch Steel Magnolias again.

Thanks for the great comment! I appreciate it!

Stacy said...

Good luck on your race! Can't imagin how much work you've put in training. Way to go!

Divas said...

Good luck with your tri! And don't worry about what you're leaving behind. THe time now is to look forward for what lies ahead!