Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

A little better again

Yesterday my energy returned. I had a nice day at work, and then I covered 26.5 miles on my bike and feet--72 minutes on the bike followed by a 30 minute run. It was a beautiful evening after a very wet day. I think the day off was actually helpful, as my legs felt really strong throughout my workout.

Today's been a nice slow day. I started with my usual AA meeting, cleaned house a bit (finally!), took a nap and then went swimming. It's been another gray, rainy day, so the beach wasn't an option. Instead I took my wetsuit to my usual, shallow pool for 1800 yards of laps. I did challenge myself by not taking any extra breaths at each end of the pool (I don't do flip turns). Instead of my usual touch, breath and turn, today I touched the wall and immediately turned around without taking my head out of the water. (So it was more like a flip turn, as there were no breaks for an extra breath.) And I did it. I swam my 1800 yards in 34 minutes--no breaks!

On the one hand, I'm encouraged by this, as I KNOW I can swim the required triathlon distance without stopping. On the other hand, I'm discouraged, because I know I can't do the exact same thing in a lake! UGH! Why is it so different? Basically, it's my fear. It's gotta be all about my fear.

Tomorrow, I may get to confront that fear again. One of my co-workers is a swimmer. She's doing the sprint triathlon. Tomorrow she's going to swim across a small lake with her sister rowing beside her. She offered to take me along. I'm anxious to see how it goes. Of course, I'll let you know. The triathlon is 8 days away...

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