Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 19 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

going up?

I'm feeling a little bit better. Yesterday I got out of the house for my usual AA meeting early in the morning. It was a little difficult being surrounded by so many chatty people at first, but I settled in after a bit. On the way home, I could feel the darkness surrounding me, so I didn't go home! I went over to Bill and Cindy's home for some pancakes and espresso (they got a new toy--yummy!). After an hour or so at their house, I had to come home. I was whipped. Napping helped. I felt better again.

After my nap, I stared at my bike. I didn't feel like going, but I had just enough energy to get out the door. Thank God, because in less than 20 minutes I wanted to go home. I didn't. I soldiered on. I got a little lost and briefly ended up on a gravel road. That was exciting. No worries, I found my way back on course. It was warm and windy, and I was wishing I was done, but I kept going. After 97 minutes, 29 miles, and one hill too many, I made it home. I needed another nap.

I had to rest again. That ride really wiped me out. But I'm so glad I went. I actually have a relay triathlon with two of my brothers next weekend. I'll be doing the bike stage, and I've been feeling really guilty about not practicing. I'm definitely not in shape. Fortunately, the bike route is only 21 miles so I think I'll be able to handle it. Hopefully, I'll have the motivation to ride again before the race. At least I went today, right?

I'm encouraged I was able to get out. I'm encouraged I was able to last for 97 minutes. It wasn't the fastest ride, but I gave myself permission to go as slow as I needed to go in order to continue. I'm definitely still being racked by the fatigue of this current dip, but maybe things are improving? I don't know. I try not to think or worry about it. It will pass when it passes. Until then, I'll keep taking one day at a time and one step (or pedal stroke) at a time.


A. Paige Turner said...

"Slowly I turned...Step by step...inch by inch"

Keep turning Etta.....(SMILE)

So glad you were able to get out and ride. I respect you for 'doing the hard thing' the thing you 'lest wanted to do'. Proud of you.........Maggie Beth


I do hope your weather is better than ours. Yesterday? 98 degress -Heat index of 105 - today is supposed to be even hotter. How much longer until Fall?......

TDR said...

Hi Etta,
I'm glad to hear that things are getting better bit by bit. Exercise is so useful in combating the effects of depression, and it is great that you are keeping at it.

Good on you!