Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Saturday, July 17, 2010


I'm feeling ambivalent about writing this. It's been a long day, and I don't necessarily want to focus my energy on how long it's been. But then again, that's what this blog is for, I guess. So here goes...

I'm feeling paralyzed. It's been a very long day. I've done a little here and a little there, but I've also taken to my bed for many hours today. I'm low. My motivation is low. I'm overwhelmed. Little things feel very big. Too big. I'm feeling paralyzed, and I'm so, so frustrated.

I don't want to focus on this, because I want it to go away. Now. I know it will go away eventually. I've been doing this long enough to realize that. But it's so frustrating in the mean time. I hate feeling paralyzed. And that's all I've got to say for now.


The Depressed Reader said...

Feeling paralyzed and frustrated is terrible. I know what it feels like. I've had the same experience many times. Including this week actually.

This battle that we fight is a continual one. Gradually, I am coming to look at each individual day as a struggle in and of itself.

The struggle we face each day takes place with different resources and different conditions, and each should be viewed separately. I am sure that you did the very best with the energy that you had today. Tomorrow will be a whole other story, hopefully a better one.

I am not sure if this helps, but you have motivated me to force myself to go out for a run. Here in Tokyo it is a pleasant Summer evening, and I feel like I have the energy to do a five kilometer run. Best wishes.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I hope things change soon.

Wishing you well,

Anonymous said...

Hi, Etta -

It's hard to know what to say to someone who is fighting the battle you are fighting . . .

I understand, I've been there . . . and now I'm here (a better place) . . . so, maybe you can draw hope from the fact that I have moved into a better space . . .

I can't tell you how to do it, it is a very personal and unique journey (we each have to peddle our own bikes). I can only encourage you.

- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)