Depression Marathon Blog

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Diagnosed with depression 17 years ago, I lost the life I once knew, but in the process re-created a better me. I am alive and functional today because of my dog, my treatment team, my sobriety, and my willingness to re-create myself within the confines of this illness. I hate the illness, but I'm grateful for the person I've become and the opportunities I've seized because of it. I hope writing a depression blog will reduce stigma and improve the understanding and treatment of people with mental illness. All original content copyright to me: etta. Enjoy your visit!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Up and down, up and down

My brain has been feeling less broken lately. In fact, this morning I was detailing feeling better to my doctor. We were both pleased. Unfortunately, by early afternoon, I was tired, sad, and hopeless. So very weird...

This morning, I ran my errands, did some laundry, and met the electrician working on my basement renovation. By the afternoon, I was in bed. Despite sleeping for 3 hours, I could barely drag myself out of bed. I forced myself out the door for a bike ride, which went okay, although I couldn't wait to be done. I ate dinner and e-mailed my doctor--something to the effect of WTF?

I hate when my mood shifts so quickly. As I said to my doctor, it makes my head spin. It is so strange. How does one go from feeling okay in the morning to feeling like crap in the afternoon? Shit, I don't know. It's just another one of the joys of this illness, I guess.

On another note, I've joined Weight Watchers online. Now people who know me are thinking, WTF? You see, I don't look overweight, and I'm not. But I'm heavier than I've ever been. I don't like the way I look or feel. And being a runner, heavier equals slower, too. I'd like to lose 14 pounds. I know I'll feel better physically and mentally if I do. And I'll still be well within normal weight limits for my height. My doctor and therapist approve, and the program has already paid off. It's what motivated me to get back out the door to exercise. With Weight Watchers, eating uses points and exercising accumulates them. I like to eat, so exercise is necessary! I'll keep you abreast of my progress. So far, I'm really liking the program.

That's all for now. I'm getting ready for my relay triathlon this weekend. More on that later.

1 comment:

Maggie Beth said...

Etta - Good for you regarding WW. The online support can be very helpful.

BTW ~ Carbs! Those things that AMERICAN'S CRAVE! They will wack out your chemicals!! At my Dr's suggestion I started eating "right" about two years ago.

After 4 or 5 days I called my primary care Dr. and said, "I think I need an anti-depressant!" He laughed at me and said, "Ain't de-toxing from carbs a bitch!!??" I did not need a pill ~ I needed to start eating right! (SMILE)

The other? Ride the good moments (but don't push yourself until you crash) ~ The "Yucky" moments - ride them out too. I know it's hard when you are in the middle of it ~ but keep reminding yourself, "This is temporary, this is temporary." and take a nap! (WINK!)

Hang in there -- you are far closer to normal than not (SMILE)!